4/30/25

i have a problem with trying to 'edit' my social media so that other people will like it and wont think im weird or whatever so i really want to use this site and journal as a way to have a place where i dont edit myself. it helps that no one i know irl knows this site, i hope they never do lol.

5/3/25

One of my favorite things to do is watch fucked up media, rn im watching john water's Pink Flamingos and, while it is disgusting, there is something freeing about seeing depravity like this that is similar to watching a slasher horror film where you get to see people doing things you would normally never see. It feels so much more human and real than most movies. There are definitely some books and films that go a bit too far and act as though every person ever is a terrible pervert/sadist, which can get a little tiring (see every novel by aaron beauregard- actually scratch that, I mean most extreme novels are exactly like this lol) but it is nice to see people being gross

5/6/25

i need a new job! my current job pays $17/hour and i have no money :( i just want to be able to live and also have some fun sometimes but i can barely afford to live. also the world sucks! i hope america collapses soon! im just venting, no worries lol, im gonna watch more fucked up movies to deal with this. i watched grotesque (2009) yesterday and trauma (2017) today, i liked grotesque better, trauma was pretty much just rape and torture while grotesque was more of an actual character/relationship study and the killer was actually an interesting character. def recommend if you enjoy fucked up torture porn movies